Until It Sleeps
by Samuel Keller
Summary: With Dr. Maxis revived and his research obtained, the four zombie hunters set out to the Ethiopian Highlands, where hopefully the answers to all the riddles will meet them. However, Richtofen will not just let them waltz through this one. He's prepared a few surprises, even if that includes using himself.
1. Chapter 1: Specter

**The last day of summer eh? Well might as well give you something to nibble on for a while!**

Dempsey looked down from the helicopter, eyeing the African landscape below. The nukes had hit here pretty heavily, but nature was beginning the slow process of rebuilding. Grass was peeking out from the ash colored ground and even some flowers were seen amongst the rubble.

"Nature is reclaiming what is rightfully theirs" stated Takeo. "No men to clip them, nor fire to destroy. Pretty soon, humanity will be able to survive on the surface again."

"Hope that's soon" muttered Nikolai. "My vodka supply is running fairly empty."

"And I miss TV" complained Samantha. "1000 Ways to Die, The Walking Dead, all gone!"

Dempsey gestured to the ruin under them. "There's your thousand ways to die. There's your walking dead."

True. Amongst the grass and flowers and rubble were zombies. Their blue glowing eyes were staring endlessly at whatever was catching their attention. They did not see the chopper, nor did they hear it.

"If I only had a China Lake right now" muttered Dempsey.

"That would not be smart" replied Takeo. "Then they'd definitely detect us."

"Just saying."

They reached the Ethiopian Highlands and admired the impressive, um, highlands. They were otherwise unharmed expect for the ash covering the surface. On the east side of the mountain was the remnants of a small town.

"Der Renegat" stated Maxis.

"Looks like a typical village" commented Takeo.

"Hidden facility in the middle of nowhere. Very James Bond" stated Dempsey.

They flew closer and were able to make sense of the town. Simple huts made of mud were also accompanied by old, military tents. They were emblazoned with the symbol of the Third Reich, the swastika and the eagle.

"We are definitely in the right place" muttered the Marine.

They landed in the town square (in reality, the middle of the town) and jumped off. Maxis pointed to the mountain. "The mine's in there. Take the elevator and begin exploring."

He handed them a small box. Inside were four Colt M1911's, some ammo, and grenades.

"Edward will probably change your weapons anyway" explained the doctor. "Best to follow his rules for now."

"Yeah, then we're gonna burn the rulebook" said Dempsey grabbing his pistol.

Maxis looked at his daughter. "This is the second time I had to let you go on a dangerous escapade, and it's as hard as the first. But I still have some last minute speculation before we go on with our plan. Please forgive me."

Samantha grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. "I'll be okay. I have Uncle Tank and Tak to help me!"

Maxis smiled and the chopper flew off.

"Very touching."

The four turned and saw someone standing not ten feet from them. He wore a long black overcoat and his blonde hair hung to his shoulders. It was impossible, but here he was.

"I am surprised you managed to find dis" stated Richtofen nonchalantly stroking his hair. "Of course, Maxis iz an intelligent bastard. Ah vell."

Something wasn't right with Richtofen. His eyes were actually glowing, with black veins running all around them. His lips were white and a pale tongue poked through as he spoke.

"I am here to offer you something: Leave dis struggle. Join me. And I vill share ze conquests."

"Bull shit" snapped Dempsey. "No power-hungry cock-sucking villain ever shares power. You'll just kill us at your first opportunity."

The German found that extremely amusing. "Correct American. I vould definitely kill you first, followed by Samantha. I actually like Nikolai and Takeo, and vould gladly share vith zhem."

"Burn in hell" responded Nikolai gripping his pistol enough to choke. "You betrayed all of us. And all of us are going to kill you."

"Agreed" stated Takeo.

Richtofen shook his head. "Oh vell. I guess now your bodies vill join ze countless masses in ze mine. Tell Lucifer hello for me."

Then he disappeared in a flash of gold and blue.


	2. Chapter 2: Back to the future

**SPOILER WARNING: I am going to be publishing two chapters a week, (more or less), so it will be finished before Black Ops 2. I have high expectations of the next Zombies mode and hope it's amazing! (P.S: I'll tell you if Treyarch copies one of my perks or songs. Then I will be super mega-pissed and demand my name on it!)**

"Who thought that prick was still hanging over us?" asked Dempsey loading his M1911.

"Not I" stated Takeo.

"He looked awful. Like he had swallowed a pound of meth" suggested Nikolai.

Samantha glanced at him. "I've seen that before. He looked worse."

Dempsey looked at her sideways. "How do you know what that looks like?"

The German girl threw up her hands. "I live in the 21st century!"

They were interrupted by the sighting of the mine. The entrance was easily ten feet tall and twenty wide. Wooden beams supported the earth above and darkness grew like some demented plant life.

"Looks like something out of a movie. Like a really bad movie" said Dempsey releasing the safety.

Takeo pulled out his flashlight and clicked it on. The tunnel extended sloping downwards into the earth.

"I doubt it is dangerous for gunfire" stated Takeo sniffing the air. "I detect no gas or oil."

Dempsey pulled out his lighter. "One surefire way to find out."

He flicked it on and tossed it deep in the mine. Nothing happened so they continued.

Nikolai stopped. "Did you hear that?"

The group halted and listened to the noises around them.

"I don't hear anything" replied Dempsey.

"Wait, what's that?" inquired Samantha.

A loud bellow began resounding from the town. A chorus of groans and moans.

"Run" ordered Dempsey.

They dashed deeper in the mine, clearly hearing the zombies behind them. Now it was almost white noise.

"Toss some 'nades!" yelled the American.

The little metal balls of death flew behind them and settled in the dirt. They waited their good sweet time and blew out the legs of every zombie nearby.

"Consider that the appetizer freak sacks!" shouted Dempsey running even farther.

They passed dozens of storerooms and mine-carts till they found something very helpful.

"An elevator!" exclaimed Takeo.

They ran into the metal box and Dempsey flipped the switch in the back. The doors began closing and the zombies finally came into view.

They were definitely Africans, having dark skin that was growing grey. Their eyes were the same glowing blue as the former zombies and shone even brighter in the darkness.

"You shall not pass!" bellowed Nikolai firing his M1911.

They all concentrated their fire and began tearing into the crowd.

"Booyah motherfuckers!" shouted Dempsey.

The doors finally closed just in the nick of time. The zombies slammed into the metal barrier, trying to break in with no success.

"You can't touch me!" stated Samantha taunting them with her index finger.

The lift began to descend and Dempsey sat down. "Well, that's a good chunk of ammo we wasted. Great."

* * *

They reached the end and the doors opened. They looked around at the site and whistled. They were inside what looked like a natural tunnel with very limited physical markings.

"Wonder what they minded?" pondered Dempsey.

Takeo examined a small glowing rock. It fazed colors or red and orange and gave off a familiar ring.

"Gee, I wonder" said the Samurai tossing the rock to the Marine

"Damn Ununpentium" muttered Dempsey. "No wonder these Africans got infected."

"Africans? I thought you Americans called them Negros" stated Nikolai.

"Naw, I was a northerner" replied Dempsey. "Though we did make moonshine and shoot possums in the backyard."

"Kentucky" said Takeo matter-of-factly.

"Something like that."

They were interrupted when the power shut off. Conveniently the lights remained on, but the lift was shut off.

"Oh how I love our dick-licking luck!" exclaimed the American tossing the rock as far as he could. "Every goddamn time we gotta search for that miserable crusty-cunt power switch! This is utter jackshit!"

"Calm down Tank!" shouted Nikolai getting slightly worried. "We just go for the power. Simple as that."

"Yeah whatever."

Takeo examined an ancient wood pillar in the room and saw a large chalk outline etched into the oak. He muttered, "Buy" and grabbed the falling weapon. It was something he had never seen before.

"MK-14" he read off the side. "That is, impossible."

Dempsey examined it. "Ok, product of United States of America, Patent 14780294032, October 28, 2012." He stopped. "Holy shit 2012!"

Nikolai went over to flat wall of stone and noticed a chalk outline. He bought the Ranger and chuckled. "I'm starting to really like the future. It has great firepower!"

They eventually settled into the familiar window guarding positions and lay waste to the undead horde.

"I'll hang you by your vocal cords!" snapped Dempsey knifing a zombie. He laid down another board onto his board and tossed a grenade.

The explosive blasted the crowd to shit and he pounded his fist into the air. "Owned!"

* * *

Nikolai fired both barrels into the window crowd and slid in two more.

"I'll fap to that! Wait I meant drink! Yep, I definitely mean drink."

* * *

Samantha slashed sideways with her knife and caught a zombie gullet.

"Yes minion! Cry like the bitch you are!" she declared whirling the knife.

* * *

Takeo reloaded the MK-14 and popped another head. "A samurai never misses! Unless he intends to."

He bashed a zombie with the butt of the gun and blew off its face. "Red and dead! Oh, I'm a...NO! NOT AGAIN!"

**So, you like having MW2 and MW3 weapons in Zombies? I love it so far. Oh and I got the song BTW, but any better ideas are appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3: Bouncers

**Now I feel the need to mention something. I am working on some original work which I plan on publishing onto this one site called FicWad. I also have some, "citrusy" stories I plan on publishing (Just Urban it if you don't know what lemon means). Anyway, time to head back to Der Renegat!**

Richtofen examined his schematics of Der Renegat, checking over all the details. He liked his modern twist of the game and hoped it would add some unknown variables.

"Why don't I just shoot zhem?" he thought to himself. "Just come out of nowhere vith an M60 and goodbye annoying survivors."

He shook his head. "No, zhat vould be boring. I love seeing zheir struggle, zheir pain. Dis game vill continue, even if I must end it personally."

Dempsey reloaded the M1911 and pumped more rounds into a zombie's chest.

"I'll chew on your heart!" he exclaimed switching to another target.

A loud roar went out, somewhere deeper in the room. Takeo stopped shooting and asked, "What is that?"

"You mother" replied Nikolai.

"My mother's dead."

"I know."

They were interrupted when footsteps became audible. They were loud booming noises in the normal silence of the mine.

"I have a bad feeling about this" muttered Dempsey.

A dull orange light appeared from the far end of the room. It grew larger and more focused as the steps became louder.

"Waste this bitch!" ordered Dempsey.

They began firing frantically into the light, illuminating the room with their shots. They stopped as all their magazines emptied.

The light stepped closer. It was a large humanoid with dull grey head and a shrunken head. Its arms were glowing orange and pulsating. Next to it was a brother with similar features.

"Bouncers! Run!" yelled Samantha.

They sprinted past the zombies and Dempsey ordered, "Separate these things!"

Two large orange mounds flew over their heads and exploded violently. Obviously they were giving chase.

Nikolai dove to the right and opened the door. It led into a large space that was apparently the medical bay.

Sam joined him and saw a chalk outline on the wall. She grabbed the Vector and laughed. "Oh, I'm gonna…shoot you. Yeah that's about it."

* * *

Dempsey dove left and bashed open the door. It was an entryway into a large natural cavern. It was dimly lit by various bulbs on the ground and smelled like rock.

"Come on Tak" he stated running deeper inside.

Takeo turned and tossed a grenade back into the previous room. It blew apart and sent shrapnel into the orange zombie.

"I gift you with death!"

Dempsey saw a wooden sign and ran to it. He bought the weapon and smiled.

"Time to even the odds. And your head" stated the Marine holding the Mini-Uzi.

* * *

Sam shredded the orange zombie with her SMG and quickly reloaded.

"Got bullets?" she asked taunting it with the end of her smoking gun.

"Buck shot actually" responded Nikolai firing the Ranger directly into the behemoth.

"I wasn't asking you" said Samantha rolling her eyes.

* * *

Takeo reloaded the MK-14 and shot more rounds into the thing's head. "Why don't you die?"

Dempsey fired the Mini-Uzi one-handed while slugging the zombie with his free hand.

"Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself' chanted the Marine having far too good of a time.

"You're the one hitting it American" stated Takeo.

"I know that!"

* * *

Nikolai cracked his knuckles and raised a large fist. He swung and crashed down on the zombie's knee. It fractured twice and sent the zombie down.

"How dare you break vodka bottle!" he yelled raining down the blows. "I just opened this one!"

The legs cracked like twigs and the ribs crunched like glass. He was legitimately beating it to death.

"I am Russian motherfucker!" he bellowed when he finally cracked its skull.

"Not my mother I can assure you" muttered Samantha.

* * *

"What the hell do you think this does?" asked Dempsey.

"No idea American."

They had just killed the explosive zombie and were exploring the cavern. They had found a Stamin-up machine and this massive building with its door left ajar. They kept looking around until Dempsey had a revelation.

"It's a cable car station."

It was true. Hanging from a series of metal poles and wires was a massive cable car that probably could carry an entire regiment. The wires went off too far in the distance for Dempsey to make out.

"Must've dug pretty far for them to need one of these" guessed Takeo.

"How far is the damn MDT?!" exclaimed the American.

**This will actually take a while longer. I am still in the developing stage for half so it may take a little while.**


	4. Chapter 4: Kiss my

**I apologise for the hiatus. I was getting slammed with school projects. But please read on!**

Nikolai pushed another large medical cabinet in place and dusted off his hands. "All done."

Samantha looked in confusion at his recent construction. It seemed he had designed some sort of barricade.

"And this is supposed to…" she began looking around.

"To give us time to shoot the zombies" he replied pointing to the entire structure. "That way all we have to do is pop headshots and kill them without danger."

"Not bad for a drunk" complimented the German.

"Thank you."

* * *

"And shit goes flying!" exclaimed Dempsey firing his Mini-Uzi. He slammed in another mag and tossed a grenade.

Takeo whirled his katana in a long dead arc over his head. The blade cut clean through two zombies and embedded itself into a third.

"I will make the battle of Thermopylae look like amateur hour!"

A large orange mass flew towards the two and Dempsey yelled, "Holy hell move!"

They dived away from the explosive and caught sight of the beast.

"Lead it over here!" ordered Takeo. "I have an idea."

* * *

Nikolai grabbed a nearby gurney and flung it as hard as he could into the crowd. It brought down a bunch of zombies, but they quickly started getting back up.

"Finish them!" he bellowed to Samantha.

She raised the Vector and let loose a torrent of bullets into the downed zombies. They fell back to the floor and Samantha laughed.

"Get on your hands and knees! Oh that's so wrong!"

* * *

Takeo sprinted over to a large crate and began tearing it open. He finally tore enough off to grab the contents.

He pulled out his lighter and flicked it on. He lit the wick on top of the bundle and began twirling it over his head.

"Take this!" he shouted throwing the bundle of dynamite.

The explosives sailed to the beast and wrapped around its neck. It roared and tossed another bomb at Takeo.

The samurai dodged and saw the wick burn down. Oh crap.

The dynamite exploded and separated the beast's head from the body. The head flew twenty yards into the air and fell straight into a ravine.

"On wings of fury!" Takeo declared raising up his katana.

* * *

Nikolai forced open the door out of the small medical bay and stepped out. It was a small cavern that looked recently carved. Pickaxes adorned the floor around the cave and crates of 115 were stacked in several corners.

"Oh, weapon!" stated Nikolai running to a chalk outline. He bought the weapon and admired it. It was a small SMG, a modern variant of one he had used. A MP5.

"Good thing my gun license expired. Wait, what?"

Dempsey examined the structure in front of him nervously. They had cleared away some rubble and discovered a really old bridge. Like wood and rope old bridge.

"This doesn't exactly boost my confidence Tak" he stated to the samurai.

"It will be fine" replied Takeo. "The bridge is maybe a few years old. We will be fine."

Dempsey took a deep breath. This was a horrible idea.

Je began walking slowly, gripping the ropes tightly in his fingers. The bridge creaked with every step and he winced at each one.

"Feeling stupid" he announced taking another's step.

"You're not falling yet" Takeo reminded him grasping his katana. It was a comfort thing.

"Yet?"

They reached the other side and Dempsey collapsed on the ground.

"Land!" he declared hugging the stone.

Takeo released his death grip on the katana and walked over to a wooden sign. He bought the weapon and cocked it. A KSG-12.

"Already deadly at close range. Now it is insured."

* * *

Samantha tossed a grenade and blew apart her crowd.

"Little deadly balls of metal! That's a great name for a band."

Nikolai jumped onto a stack of boards and began laying down fire to the nearest group.

"Say hello to my ex-wives for me!" he declared reaping headshots.

He slipped off his stack and landed in a large pile of stones. He groaned and got up.

"I think I got a boo-boo" he complained to Samantha.

"Kiss my ass and it'll make it better" she replied.

"How?"

"I'll have to kill you."

* * *

Takeo slammed in another shotgun shell and clenched his teeth. "Your numbers do not scare me!" he bellowed to the incoming zombies.

Dempsey raised his Mini-Uzi and let out a whoop. "Gonna add some heads to my mantle."

They both let out a storm of bullets into the crowd and let out similar war cries.

"Oh fuck yeah!" was Dempsey's.

"For the Emperor!" was Takeo's.

The dozens of zombies disintegrated before the onslaught of the slayers and Dempsey said, "Could've had a V8!"


	5. Chapter 5: Full Kettle Packet

**I have decided I need to put a shit ton of effort into this project in the upcoming month. Expect a few releases stacked up for my convienence. Now, let me get this one on!**

"What in the name of Elvis do you think this is?"

Dempsey and Takeo were standing in front of a large metal door that led into an immense building. All the signs were in Ethiopian, so they couldn't read it.

"Let's see" said Takeo examining some pictures. They were three in a horizontal row on the door. The first was a fire, the second was a chemical burn, and the third was a sharp object.

"Maybe a factory?" guessed Dempsey.

"Twenty stories below ground?"

"Shut up! Dafuq would I know?"

"Only one way to find out."

* * *

Nikolai examined the stone bridge before him, though bridge was a misconception. It was a natural extension from across the gap before him.

"I hate to be a shit-licking, red bellied coward, but this is not a good idea" he said to his female companion.

"Nikolai" she said all sorts of calm. "Let me explain a few things to you. You have killed approximately three thousand zombies, correct?"

"Yes."

"And you have drunken about two hundred gallons of alcohol, right?"

"Ok, maybe."

"Not to mention you have survived a total of twenty seven different wounds of varying severity?"

"Ok, now you're just being unfair."

"So after all that, you are unwilling to walk ten feet of solid stone?"

"It's a foot wide for God's sake!" he declared gesturing to the walkway. "I am at least a foot and a half!"

"Nikolai, I am tired. I am hungry. I am unable to take care of a certain bleeding ritual from my loins due to lack of supplies. I swear of this shit goes any farther south I'm going to fucking murder someone. So tie up your hair, tighten your thong, and stop being such a…"

* * *

"Asshole!" yelled Dempsey firing his SMG. He slid out his mag and slammed in another. "You're gonna have to do better to kill me!"

Takeo pumped in another shell and tossed a grenade. The small explosive tapped as is it hit the metal walkway and exploded in a fiery mass.

"Tak, watch the nades man!" declared Dempsey. "I ain't sure they moved the flammables or not!"

"I apologize American."

They had entered the building and had confirmed Dempsey's guess. Large circular vats stretched from wall to wall, surrounded by metallic walkways. Loose tanks of gas and small bits of metal were scattered around like litter from where someone had probably tossed them.

"Racking a full auto, American style!" exclaimed Dempsey one-handing the Mini-Uzi. He noticed a chalk outline on the wall next to him and he switched to his pistol. He grabbed the weapon and smiled.

"I think I just came" he muttered hefting the AK-74u.

* * *

Nikolai lay on his back, panting with a smile. "I told you I could do it."

Samantha was indifferent. "Do what? You ran across the bridge screaming like a girl."

"You're point being?"

Samantha yelled in frustration. "I am asking you a question. Don't answer with a question! You're being stupid! Stop being stupid!"

"Actually, I'm being rhetorical."

"No, no you're not! God it's like you use words you hear randomly to make yourself sound smarter."

"Ok, now you're just being transcendent."

"Aaaaah!"

* * *

"Did you hear something?" asked Takeo leaning on the handrail.

"Nope" replied the American. He was calmly twirling a grenade from his belt. This new design was much more complex than the kind he normally used.

"Good thing I'm a trained pro" he stated increasing the speed of his twirling. The pin flicked out and the explosive clattered to the floor.

"Shit" muttered both of them.

They dove out of the way and the resulting explosion sent concussion waves straight into their bodies.

"Whoa! I feel more fail then…then…Raditz. Ok where the hell did that come from?"

* * *

Samantha pounded her steps, extremely frustrated. That idiot Nikolai was really annoying her.

"That stupid, incompetent, drunk slob! I'm going to slug him till I feel my fist hit the back of his skull!"

She smashed a stalagmite next to her and kicked over a mine cart.

She grabbed her foot. That was not a good idea.

"Shitty shit, cock sucking, bitch ass fuck!" she yelled holding her injured foot. She tripped and fell onto the ground.

She spat out the pebbles in her mouth and stood. To her surprise, a new perk machine lay in front of her.

Its design was similar to a massive tea kettle, except in vending machine form. It was colored black and brown with a fiery bullet as the symbol.

"Full Kettle Packet" she read from the top. She giggled. "I get it."

She stopped. Behind the machine was a wooden sign with a chalk outline on it.

Sam bought the PP90M1 and laughed. "And I got it!"

**I really hope everyone got the idea for this perk. If not, a hint: FMJ.**


	6. Chapter 6: Shall I?

**I fucking love Borderlands 2! I recommend it to anyone who likes FPSs and RPGs. But this is COD, so let's continue.**

Dempsey shoved down the door and stepped out into the new room. This one was the other end of the cable car system the Germans had made. It was slightly bigger than the first one, because a secondary elevator had been built here. This exit was currently buried under two tons of rubble and would not be lifting anyone.

"Well fuck" stated Dempsey examining the rubble. "That eliminates getting out of here in a pinch."

Takeo nodded. "But we do have a cable car. That will be useful."

The American gave an "I know" shrug. "Yeah, I guess. Hey, is that a gun?"

Takeo went over to the previously mentioned chalk outline and bought it. A P90 fell into his hands and he smiled.

"It is an honorable weapon American. Not a gun."

* * *

Nikolai emptied the bottle of vodka, savoring the last drop of the concoction.

"No vodka" he muttered stowing the bottle. "Why is the vodka always gone?"

He stood uneasily, head swimming more than usual.

"Oh, that's why."

He looked up and saw Sam approaching him. He unconsciously rubbed his side.

"That little bitch kicked me" he murmured narrowing his eyes. "It still hurts."

The German girl stopped. "Hey Nikolai."

"What's up?"

She shrugged. "Nothing."

Nikolai squinted. "You wouldn't have come over here if it wasn't nothing."

She shrugged again. "Whatever."

She turned and the Russian heard something pop. He heard her swig sown something and his eyes widened.

He sprinted to her and grabbed her by the wrist. In her grip was a bottle of Smirnov vodka.

"Thank you!" he yelled grabbing the bottle and taking a gulp.

She smirked. "You're welcome. Sorry for the kick."

He waved his hand. "This should dull the pain."

* * *

"B is for bullets, bitch!" yelled Dempsey unloading his AK-74u into the newest assembly line of zombies before him. Sliding out a mag and somehow raising a middle finger simultaneously, he laughed as he flawlessly did both.

"I just got promoted to Badass Rank 4001! Just a little bit cooler than 4000!"

Takeo kept firing his P90, a look of complete calm on his face. "Torrents of bullets. Riddling your rotten frame. Embrace Death's cold grip."

Dempsey turned to him. "Did you just speak in haiku?"

* * *

Nikolai sniffed the air. He did so with the determination and dedication of a professional sniffer.

"Smell something?" asked Samantha slightly interested.

"Poetry" replied the Russian. "And steroids. That's probably not me."

"Steroids?"

"Maybe. Could be bacon."

"OK that made less sense then the steroids."

"Right. Well hell those are zombies."

"Yep."

"Wanna unconsciously bond by shooting these assholes?"

"That sounds awesome."

* * *

"Why can't a hot chick see me being this cool?" asked Dempsey riding the cable car. Since it had not power, he was really just standing on it.

He whirled around and popped a headshot. "I'm king of this hill motherfucker!"

Takeo casually tossed a grenade into the crowd, not even flinching when it exploded and sent shrapnel in his direction.

"Your death was no challenge. Fight harder next time."

* * *

Nikolai shredded through the newest crowd of zombies before him and reloaded.

"How are you, newest BFF?"

Samantha slammed in another mag into her PP90M1 and kept shooting. "Pretty good, my Cossack comrade."

The crowd began to dissipate until only one zombie remained. Nikolai shot out its knee and gestured to Sam.

"Shall I?" asked the German.

"I'd be insulted if you didn't."

She popped it in the head. "Best. Day. Ever."

**I like this new development with Sam and Nikolai. They are similar in certain ways. **


	7. Chapter 7: She didn't

**So, I decided for my convience I'll be publishing two chapters every time I post. I don't have much time, BO2 comes out in Nov!**

"In the left corner, we have Underbite McFucker!" shouted Dempsey pointing to the bouncer. It was charging rather quickly so the Marine decided to speed up the introductions.

"And in the right corner, we have the terrifying, cold, and insanely badass Takeo Masaki! He was been unrivaled by every zombie he has come across, will this be any different?"

The two of them had an agreement that Takeo would get the next bouncer that came along, so Dempsey decided to flare it up.

Takeo pulled out his katana and his shotgun. Checking one to make sure it was sharp and the other to make sure it was loaded, he raised them both.

"Time to overcompensate."

He sprinted at the zombie, who roared in return. It tossed an explosive mass his way. The samurai effortlessly dodged it and fired a shell into the beast.

He reached the zombie and sliced its right leg. It felt and swung a massive hand at him.

He ducked and impaled his sword into its chest. It barely registered this and kept swinging.

Takeo dodged the claw and placed his shotgun on its head.

"Boom shaka-laka."

He pulled the trigger and the beast flew backwards, landing in a bloody heap.

Dempsey ran over to the beast and took a knee next to it.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, TEN!"

He ran to Takeo and threw up the samurai's hand. "Winner: Takeo Masaki!"

* * *

Nikolai kicked down the door and casually offered for Samantha to go first. She looked at him like he was crazy.

"You out of your damn mind? There might be zombies in there. You go first."

He chuckled and walked inside the newest building. It looked like a little barracks for the Germans who ran the mine. The accessible area was only a large room that hosted a number of cots. Next to one such cot was the PhD Flopper machine and a chalk outline.

Nikolai reached the outline and bought the weapon. A Striker shotgun fell into his hands and he laughed. "Oh the buckshot."

* * *

Dempsey looked back at the bouncer who they had just killed. Hovering above its corpse was a Fire Sale power up.

"How the hell did we miss that? Oh well."

He grabbed it and ran over to the spawned box. He flipped the latch and began to chant to himself.

"Come on box, you can do it! You can do it!"

It gave him a Model 1887 shotgun and he laughed. "Good old lever action! This thing's the shit!"

Takeo reached him and activated the box. It settled on an Intervention sniper rifle and he smiled.

"I will intervene with your living process."

* * *

Samantha was rocking in a corner, holding her newest gun.

"You're mine. All mine. You're my personnel toy. Literally and sexually" she muttered cuddling her AK-47.

Nikolai looked at her nervously. He had gotten a M320-GLM and was kinda stoked, but her reaction was pretty scary.

"You know that would probably blow off your lower body if you used it as a vibrator, right?"

"I would fill it with blanks" she stated not even looking at him.

He started to speak, and then stopped.

"Whatever gets you off, ma'am."

* * *

Takeo pushed down the door nearest him and stepped out. It was another cavern with another chalk outline. In the corner was a Magarita machine and that was really about it.

"This dude's running low on ideas" muttered Dempsey.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. Just killing the fourth wall."

Takeo sighed. "I hope someday I will begin to understand why you do that."

"Yeah. Me too. Oh shit, here we go again."

He raised his newest shotgun and fired into the nearest zombie's head. Even at ten feet it flattened the thing instantly.

"Holy shit that was cool!" he yelled laughing and pumping the action.

Takeo crouched and hit a zombie straight in the head with his sniper rifle.

"I live for such kills" he muttered pulling back the bolt.

* * *

"No! My toy! I don't share! Unless it's me personally!" yelled Samantha firing her newest 'toy' into the crowd. She was wildly swinging it with a look of rage on her face.

Nikolai had replaced her in the corner, rocking as well.

"I can't believe she actually do it" muttered the Russian holding his head. "I didn't think she'd try, but she did. I really didn't need to see that. Especially since she's in a guy body."

"You know it turned you on!" snapped the German giving him a glare.

He settled on his side and began to sob. "I no longer wish to live."

**I think I just died a little when I wrote that. Just saying.**


	8. Chapter 8: Taboos

**So I have plans to finish this soon, but not too soon. So let's go.**

"I am guessing we are close to the power room" stated Dempsey examining a small wooden sign near a door. It had the symbol of a lightning bolt painted on it and was pointing to the door.

"What makes you say that?" questioned Takeo reloading his P90.

"Cause if we aren't we're screwed" replied Dempsey giving a cold grin.

"Then let's see if you are accurate."

Takeo smashed down the door and walked inside. This was a large maintenance building, obviously since it was full of maintenance thingies. Against the wall was insanely badass and insanely useful Mule Kick, and something resembling a shotgun on the wall.

"Sorry M10, but I got a sweetheart already" Dempsey whispered to the outline. "But I promise, next time, I'll get you."

Takeo found this slightly odd, but since he had done the same he decided to withhold judgment.

He sniffed the air. "Do you smell anything American?"

Dempsey got off the wall and breathed in deeply. Then coughed violently. "Jesus titty cinnamon! Smells like, well, poontang. Really fucking sweaty poontang."

* * *

"I don't see why you won't look at me" stated Samantha walking to the door of the room.

"You used a fucking AK-47 to pleasure yourself sexually!" yelled Nikolai finally out of the corner. "I maybe into voyeurism, and sadism, and bondage, but what you did crosses a line!"

"Who draws all these damn lines? Seriously, is there some sort of prick just doodling these so called moral boundaries? Cause if there is, I'm gonna strangle him."

"Where you abused as a child?"

She gave him a dead pan look and he raised his hands. "Ok, stupid question. But seriously, an AK? I'm glad you used a piece of Russian pride, but that wasn't its purpose. It was to shoot you damn capitalists. No offense."

"None taken. But I've developed a major stamina in that area. I wanted to see if it would work. It did wonders."

Nikolai pounded his head into the wall. "Why did I go with you?"

"Lack of options."

"Oh yeah, that's why."

* * *

"So, you think Romney's gonna win?" asked Dempsey for the second time since they started this conversation.

"Most definitely. You Americans are not that stupid to vote for someone like Barack Obama."

Dempsey laughed. "You'd be surprised. Since I'm legally dead, I can't vote. I wouldn't anyway. It's all BS nowadays. I miss the old days, with people like Roosevelt and Eisenhower. Those were some hardass SOBs. Least McCain could say he's felt the feeling of bullets."

"And torture."

"I try not to talk about that."

"Ah yes. I forget, you Americans have social taboos we Japanese find acceptable, and vice versa."

"Yeah, like I won't mention how I still play with my food and I sleep towards the north. Not at all."

Takeo cringed. "I appreciate it."

"Cool."

"That was comeback for the torture comment, wasn't it?

"Yep."

"I deserved that."

"You did."

"Yeah. Well, look at this rock I found."

"Heh. Only one more to go eh?"

"You bet."

"Good. Hey, let's go kill some zombies mate."

"It'd be an honor American."

* * *

"And as I was saying, alchemy is a perfectly legit form of science" continued Samantha walking over the chunks of the door. The room they had entered was an extension of the living quarters, but there was a massive zip-line that led to something in the distance. It resembled something very similar to the one from Shi No Numa, but made of metal.

"Alchemy? You been watching hentai recently?" asked Nikolai hefting his M320-GLM.

"It's anime you dumb shit. Hentai is the more, well, interesting version. I enjoy it personally, but whatever. Anyway, alchemy is a proven science."

"Smoke and mirrors miss. Mixing shit together to create nice pretty clouds is just the same as chemistry class. Only this time, you don't know what you're mixing. Sounds like fun."

She shook her head. "You would never understand Nikolai. You are so simplistic you cannot believe in the extraordinary."

"Extraordinary? Bitch I am a bona fide assassin. Granted the targets were my family members, but still, not a single one suspected me."

"The government did."

"Well fuck you too!" yelled Nikolai storming away from her.

She smiled. "Speech increased to 68. Can't wait for 69."

She stopped and burst into laughter. "Oh God, I should have my mind washed out with soap!"

* * *

"Whoa! Can you believe that shit? Cause I do! Booyah!" yelled Dempsey capping another head. He slammed the lever back into place and fired again.

"I deeply enjoy this exercise of my skills" stated Takeo calmly popping heads with the P90.

"You need to stop being so stiff Tak. Loosen your tie, have a drink, meet a girl. Crack a fucking joke at least."

"I shall show these stiffs how mighty my weapon is."

"And you say you don't have a sense of humor. Stiff weapon? Ha! Comedy gold my friend!"

"I do not see the joke."

Dempsey stopped laughing. "Well you see, stiff is a synonym for erect. And weapon can be a term to describe something, like say, a stick. And when you combine the two…"

"Oh. You are talking about genitalia."

"Uh…yeah I kinda was."

"Oh. I apologize that I did not get it sooner."

"As long as you think of something else, I'll be fine."

* * *

"My kill was cleaner" taunted Samantha popping a headshot with her AK-47.

"Ah, the young and stupid. Always insulting the experienced and brilliant. I think you misunderstand what a good kill qualifies as" stated Nikolai calmly reloading his grenade launcher.

"Oh really. Tell me more."

"Well, it does not matter how clean it is. It matters how many you kill with one shot."

She looked at her rifle, then his explosive launcher, then at him.

"Screw you."

He laughed and kept shooting.

* * *

"Un-friggin-believable" muttered Dempsey sprinting from the bouncer closest to him. Not one, not two, but three of these ugly zombies were giving chase to the duo.

"I hope you brought the dip, cause we're gonna have a motherfucking party!" he yelled raising his Model 1887. He pumped a round into its head and stopped it dead.

"Yeah, come on. Rage quit. Make us both happy. Come ON!" screamed the Marine into its dying face. He looked up and noticed the second one.

"I should be on a damn baseball card" he murmured swinging his shotgun.

It connected with its knee and shattered it. The bouncer fell and Dempsey raised his shotgun. Then he stopped.

"STOP!"

He made a dramatic pose. "Hammer time." Then blew off its head.

"Drop dead and give me 20 puke-maggot!"

Takeo turned to meet his pursuer and loaded an entire clip of P90 ammo into its neck. A slice with a katana and a roundhouse kick later and it lay at his feet. He crouched next to it and whispered into its ear.

"You know what you and Jane Austen have in common? You're both dead women."

**So yeah, the name of the chapter is pretty obviously named.**


	9. Chapter 9: Necessary Roughness

**One thing to note: This will end middle of this month, and my final entry will end the day BEFORe BO2. Just so I can claim I did.**

"So you think you could take me?" asked Nikolai more than a little skeptical.

"Of course. I do have a more physically fit body" pointed out Samantha gesturing to her borrowed male body. "And I'm more sober."

"That's a technicality" objected the Russian.

"No, it's a fact."

"You may not know it girl, but you're fucking with a level 70 Death Knight" warned the Cossack gritting his teeth.

"I am a level 85 Paladin."

"Fuck it I can't win!" exclaimed Nikolai turning away. He smashed his fist through the door and walked into the nearby cavern. Grabbing the outlined weapon he began to fire rounds into the rock ceiling.

"FUUUUUUCK!" he yelled as he fired the AUG H-BAR.

* * *

Dempsey twirled his combat knife with one hand while checking his mobile phone.

"Goddamn it I was attacked by a level 50" he muttered checking his favorite app. "Asshole. I'm only level 23. What the fuck, play fair!"

"What are you doing?" asked Takeo curiously.

"Evony" replied the American. "Or, I WAS. Now it's going in the trash bin."

Three taps later and he sighed. "Great. Now what the hell am I going to do? I have already played the crap out of Minesweeper."

"Why aren't we going to the next room?"

"To give the other guys more screen time."

"What?"

"I don't fucking know! What are you, five? Have some patience."

Takeo sat and ran his stone along his katana. "Whatever."

* * *

"That was a little unnecessary" pointed out Samantha kicking aside empty bullet shells.

"Why do you say that?"

"You wasted an entire clip of ammo."

"Who cares? I practically do that every round."

"Yeah, but this time you didn't hit anything except the ceiling."

"You know what? You're right."

Sam stopped. "What did you say?"

"I said, you're right."

She looked at him and pointed a finger. "No! You can't say that!"

"Why not? You're right! I'm wrong! I completely wasted my ammo there, and that was stupid. I am fully admitting I am wrong!"

"No you aren't!" she yelled angrily. "You can't admit you are wrong! That defeats the entire purpose of me pointing out you are! Denying it keeps me alive! You can't deny it!"

"But it's true isn't it?"

"Of course it is you drunk fucking slob! But I point those out for you! You keep denying it and it keep antagonizes me to keep doing it!"

"Ha! You admitted it!" shouted the Russian.

"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"You NEED me! You require my arrogance and stupidity to keep yourself sane! You personally told me! Ha!"

Samantha was so astonished she couldn't speak. "But…you…I…but…"

Nikolai began to do a classic victory dance. "I did it! I did it! I made a woman shut the fuck up! I never thought this day would come!"

He stopped when a large boot smashed into his private region. He collapsed, panting for breath.

He looked up at the kicker. "Why did you..?"

"Don't expect me to revive you if you get downed" she told him in a voice like rock. She turned and walked off.

He managed to stand, despite the intense pain in his lower region. "That was, unexpected."

* * *

Takeo raised his head. "I sense a disturbance in the Void."

Dempsey looked at him. "Seriously man? The Void? What's wrong with the Force?"

"The Force is neutral. The Void is nothing, but also everything."

"I think I just stopped giving a fuck" admitted the Marine.

Takeo stood. "We should go. I feel out assistance will be needed."

"Whatever floats your boat mate. I am getting really bored of Angry Birds."

* * *

"I could use some help!" cried Nikolai mowing down as many zombies as he could in front of him.

Samantha raised a hand to her ear while one-handing the AK-47. "Do you hear that third person version of myself? It sounds like me not giving a shit."

"Don't fucking ignore me! I am really in trouble!"

"Hmph, that stalagmite is really interesting."

"It's a stalactite you stupid bitch!"

"And that pickax is in a most curious position."

"That's what she said!"

Nikolai turned and saw an orange mass flying at him. "Shi…."

It smashed into him and he flew into the nearest cavern wall. He sank into Second Chance and sighed.

"This looks like it's the end vodka."

His eyes widened. "I'm going to hell. My ex-wives are in hell."

He began to scream. "Sam! Sam! Goddamn it help me! I couldn't stand them in life, how can I in death?"

"I think I hear something" she muttered mowing down the crowds.

"I'm sorry ok! I didn't mean to insult you however I did so! I'm motherfucking sorry! I a complete dickhead! Now please revive me!"

She turned and smiled. "Apology accepted."

She pulled out two grenades and tossed them into the crowd. The first killed at least ten zombies, the second killed the bouncer.

She turned and jabbed a needle into his neck. He stood uneasily and shook her hand.

"Thank you."

Then smacked her with the back of his other hand.

"Don't keep me waiting."

* * *

Dempsey stared in awe at the spectacle before him. It was an exact copy of the pyramid from the Moon base, except it appeared older. It was more rust then metal and was sagging slightly.

"So we use this thing for our plan? Looks like Cash for Clunkers wouldn't accept it."

Takeo gave him a glance. "I do not understand the reference."

"It's a shit bin."

"Ah. Understood."

The Marine tapped a section of metal. It collapsed into ash and he sighed.

"I feel the odds of us surviving just decreased dramatically."

"I agree. At least 23 percent."

"Where the hell did you pull that number from?"

He shrugged. He turned around and smiled. "Time for some Juggernog."

Dempsey whooped in joy and threw the power switch. Lights burst on like a flash grenade and Dempsey ran to the perk machine he loved dearly.

"Oh baby, I want to have babies" he muttered buying a bottle.

Takeo shrugged off the Marine's odd way and got one himself. He gulped it down and whipped back his head.

"Tastes like fury rimmed with fire!" he yelled tossing aside the bottle.

"Help!" cried a voice from their left.

They turned and saw into the next room was a large Russian hanging from a stalactite. Judging by the angle, he was tied by his boot strings.

"How the fuck did you manage that?" yelled Dempsey running to where Nikolai was hanging.

The Cossack had a red face, but he still had enough blood to be angry.

"You think I PLANNED this?"

Takeo looked at him with a slight impression of amusement. "It would not be the weirdest thing you have done."

Nikolai rolled his eyes, an interesting thing since he was upside down. "Just cut me down!"

Dempsey picked up a nearby pickax and took aim. Then he tossed it.

Nikolai collapsed onto the floor, ten feet below. He groaned and held his neck. "Oh damn it another one."

He unsteadily stood, shaking at best. "Thank you comrades. Now where is that bitch I need to shoot something."

"Here."

Samantha's boot smashed into his head, flattening him onto the stone.

Dempsey burst into laughter and clapped her on the back. "You are such a bitch. And I love that about you."

Takeo sighed. "That means we have to find a safe place to drag him. Was that necessary?"

Samantha gave him a grin. "Yes."

"I accept your answer, child."

**YEAAAH. I love writing this. So much.**


	10. Chapter 10: At the left hand ov God

**Now, I have a special surprise for you all.**

The three currently conscious zombie hunters walked up to the Random Box, their fourth unconscious member safely stowed away inside a large crate.

"We hit the power right?" asked Dempsey slightly skeptical.

"Yep. I did" answered Takeo.

"When? I didn't see you."

"Stealth level 80."

"What?"

"Oh, there's the box. I'll be damned."

Takeo flipped the old latch and watched it cycle down. It settled on a Type 95 assault rifle and he grabbed it.

"Enhanced precision. High caliber three round bursts. I like this very much."

"Again with the damn haikus man" muttered Dempsey activating the box. He laughed as he got a machine gun.

"Holy shit someone is having a good day!" he yelled raising MK-46.

Samantha rolled her eyes and opened the box. She swore loudly as she got a USP .45.

"If it has ammo, I'll take it" she muttered replacing her empty PP90M1.

Suddenly, a bright light appeared from on top of the pyramid. It was a solid ball of light that spun to a large overhanging above them. It settled there and exploded.

And standing in the midst was Doctor Edward Richtofen.

"Good evening gentlemen. Are you enjoying ze party?"

"Fucker!" yelled Dempsey raising his machine gun. He fired a four round burst into the doctor, but an invisible barrier stopped his bullets.

"You are so violent. It iz very annoying."

Takeo snarled. "What do you want?"

Richtofen smiled. His eyes were an even brighter shade of blue and the veins around his eyes had spread to the bottom of his nose.

"So hostile. You'd zhink I had done somezhing incredibly menacing like betray you and attempt to murder you in cold blood."

He stopped. "Vait, I did."

He began laughing his normal hysterical laugh. But his voice seemed to boom across the very room unnaturally.

"Vell anyway, to business. I do believe you are attempting to stop me vith ze MDT in dis facility?"

He looked at the rusted pyramid and laughed. "Good luck vith zhat."

Takeo pulled out his katana. "Just get to the part where I kill you."

Richtofen smiled. "Now, I grow bored of watching you just kill my minions. So I decided to liven it up with music."

"You can't be serious" said Dempsey giving him a sideways look.

"Oh but I am. You see, my friends here are very good at vhat zhey do."

From the shadows came three men dressed similar to Richtofen. They wore similar trench coats and had hair of the same length. One of them carried a guitar, the second a microphone, and the third carried a massive box.

"So you made some friends Richtofen? I'd be proud if you weren't such a dick."

"Please shut ze fuck up American. Now, I do believe one of you has my guitar."

The one with the bass guitar nodded and pulled an electric from his jacket. It was a long crooked piece of ivory that looked demonic and beautiful. Compared to the simpler design of the bassist's (a blue Gibson), it was pretty sick.

"Nice guitar" complimented Samantha.

"Zhank you. Now go fuck yourself."

He adjusted the strings and smiled. "Now, good sir, I believe we need some special effects."

Suddenly from around the base of the outcropping burst forth flames hot blue. It created an interesting sound as they burned into the rock.

"Not bad. But the Midnight Riders had better pyrotechnics."

"Would the audience please shut the hell up?" stated the singer tossing a lock of black hair from his face. "Mr. Chainsaw, would you please?"

The bassist began to play a slow beat with his guitar, with Richtofen joining him. Then they invoked a massive rift and the signer began.

"Oh serpent and lion, I invoke thee

Inside the shrine called life!

By seven wonders, by myriad mortals

That gone and are to come!

Outside, outside desert of restriction!

In act of rebellion, on the sea of motion!

Stability of matter, by serenity, strength and beauty!

By the mighty chant of every breath!"

They began a long string of riffs and the drummer began to rampage onto his set.

"In serpentine dance of blood cells,

In simplicity of spells!

Divine names, meta-games,

I greet thy presence!"

Dempsey raised an eyebrow. "Covering Behemoth? You have balls."

He turned and saw that a fresh new horde of zombies were running to them. He swore and raised his new MK-46. "Now it's a party!"

"Oh snake, thou art God!

Coiled underneath my throne, with thee I reunite!

With blood we make this covenant, myself I redefine!

Look in and above, there is more than the flesh.

Look careful and thou may see

The extinguished flame!

The nectar of thy rage

I taste from the cup of fornication!

And woman by my side

And scarlet is her skin!

She's eager to rise

And so eager to please!

Another day, another eternity gone!

On the stairway to salvation

I walk alone among the falling stars!

Looking for company

Where art thou? Lacerate ones.

He stopped and the two guitarists began a solo. Richtofen was clearly enjoying himself, tossing his long blond hair in a swirling motion around him. Mr. Chainsaw had a more serious demeanor to it, standing straight except for a bowed head. Basically, it looked badass.

"Arise, my sweetest friend!

Or be forever fallen, we've finally arrived!

From prison of this life

To Kali's womb, down to the earth!

As angles of Almighty God, chaos!

Tis our last fall

To touch out mother whore!

The harlot of the saints

That spits on the rotten cross!

Incinerate the icon

The symbol of all loss!

To stand straight

At the left hand ov God!

Samuel! Be thou my ally!

Join me among the bright hosts!

Wondering neither way of light!

Nor darkness of which seed

Sprouts dispassionately!

In the summer of my life!

This led to a slow fade into silence and Richtofen stood up.

"So, vhat did you zhink?"

All three of them were panting heavily, dozens of zombies at their feet. Dempsey was the first to speak. "Not bad Doc. But you have the girliest ass metal hair I have ever seen."

The other band members laughed and the Doctor snarled. "You ungrateful, voyeuristic piece of shit. I vill fucking murder you!"

"Whatever."

Richtofen turned to his band. "Let's get out. Tough crowd."

They literally seeped into the shadows, flashing white when Richtofen joined them.

Nikolai came over, carrying his new AA-12. "What did I miss?"

**So yeah, this is NOT the easter egg map. If you have noticed, they have only found two (Beginning room and the one in the chapter 4). This was a little side idea I liked a lot. So yeah, I added it.**

**PS: The song they sang was At The Left Hand Ov God by Behemoth. Really good song!**


	11. Chapter 11: Place your bets

**Now, this is how I compensate for making so many damn perks!**

"Hey Gersch, what's up man?" asked Dempsey as calmly as he could.

"Well ah, nothing much. Just drinking a nice cup of coffee. And you?"

"Well I'm ok. You know, I am surrounded by ravenous zombies after finding the MDT that could possibly save all of our asses and what the FUCK do you think?"

"Ok man. Jesus cool down. I'll be down ASAP."

"You better."

He hung up and tossed a grenade. He literally wasn't kidding when he said he was surrounded.

"And that's only the free sample!" yelled the Marine firing his massive machine gun. "Come back with money for the extended package!"

Nikolai raised his AA-12 and plowed down a field of undead crops. "I guess you didn't plan that far ahead eh?"

Samantha reloaded her favorite AK-47 and resumed her previous activity: killing zombies. What, you were expecting a clever metaphor? That's what this bitch did!

"Don't call me a bitch you narcissist false god!" she yelled to the sky.

"Are you doing my job?" asked Dempsey. "Only I can break the fourth wall, and if you do it again, I will break in your most inappropriate parts."

"She already did" muttered Nikolai.

"What? With what?"

Nikolai told him and Dempsey vomited violently on the floor.

Once the tide of bile had subsided, he looked at the German. "What the fuck are you?"

"A girl with needs."

"I wish for this conversation to end" stated Takeo.

"I gladly agree." No one was really sure who said it.

"Well now if this isn't interesting" muttered the Marine examining the machine in front of him.

It was a giant slot machine, like the ones you'd see in casinos. It was not a normal one, being almost ten feet tall and five feet wide. It did have the regular three slots and the lever, albeit extended to proportion.

"It's some kind of thingy" stated Nikolai as intelligently as possible.

"No shit Sherlock" replied Samantha. "But this is curious."

She tapped one of the icons currently display in the slot. "That's the symbol for Speed Cola."

She was right. It was indeed the green hand holding a mag.

"So, what does this level do?" wondered Dempsey pulling said lever.

It twirled to life and the slots began to spin rapidly. It settled on the symbol for Deadshot Daiquiri and out popped a bottle.

Dempsey examined it. It was a completely white liquid, almost like milk. But it smelled like Deadshot.

"Bottoms up" he muttered gulping it.

It was indeed Deadshot. He sighed as the familiar sweet flavor cascaded down his throat.

"So a random perk machine? That's kinda cool."

Takeo pulled the level and it settled on Takilla.

"Very good" he muttered tossing the bottle aside.

Nikolai and Sam did the same and got Magarita and Speed Cola respectively. Then the machine disappeared.

"Lick a dick!" yelled Dempsey kicking where it once stood.

"Well, all good things have to die" muttered Takeo walking away.

They settled into familiar camping routines, dividing up each area into sections. They were all enjoying the new weapons since they could just sit back and kill.

"I feel, nothing" stated Takeo calmly claiming a head.

"You picked the wrong day of the month to mess with me!" exclaimed Sam wildly swinging her AK-47.

"Don't feel bad. Stalin couldn't touch me either" said Nikolai popping a head with his AUG-HBAR.

"This amount of fun should be illegal!" yelled Dempsey firing the MK-46.

He dropped a zombie and a new power-up appeared. He stared at it before smiling.

"Place your bets on a sure thing ladies and gents!" he yelled grabbing it.

Instantly, the slot machine appeared inside the room, followed by the two adjacent spaces and eventually all the others.

"Called it!" yelled Nikolai running to the closest one. He grabbed the lever and pulled.

"Come on, come on, be good to me!"

It gave him a bottle Full Kettle Packet and he sipped it. It tasted like iced tea, very good iced tea.

"Not bad. For a pussy drink."

Takeo reached the machine second and did the honors. It bestowed a bottle of Double Tap, which he happily drank.

"Cowboy, may your children be blessed, and your ancestors proud."

Dempsey got to it and with an exclaim of "Yeah!" hit the switch.

"Woohoo! Quicksey!"

He guzzled it and shook his head. "Time for a massacre."

Samantha finally reached it and activated the machine. She received a bottle of Mule Kick, which she happily accepted.

"Goody for me! I can have another toy!"

She ran to the box and flipped it open. After a brief cycle, it landed on a UMP45.

"Good. Now I have one for if I am in a slightly less agitated mood."

**So yeah, new utility. And I hope no one caught the joke hidden in the last sentence. Please don't.**


	12. Chapter 12: Gravity

**Now, I am on even more limited time. So fuck.**

"So Gersch, why aren't you here right now?" asked Dempsey. He said it calmly, but he was actually so angry that he had gone full circle.

"Well you see Dempsey, I was running errands."

"Oh really. And you didn't mentioned this why?"

"I thought Maxis told you."

"Well, he didn't."

"Damn. Well, it'll take me a little while. Like, an hour."

"An hour!"

"I went all the way to Iraq!"

"Iraq! Why the fuck did you go to Iraq?"

"The US military is still there, they are holding my friends."

"Oh, those dudes. How they doing?"

"Pretty well. But enough talk. Trying to pilot a plane that was made in America. Rather hard since I'm a Russian cosmonaut. Bye!"

Dempsey hung up the communicator. "You heard the man. It'll take a while."

"Damn it" muttered Nikolai. "I am running out of vodka. Someone find me a Max Ammo!"

"How about Magarita?" proposed Samantha.

"That gives you extra mags, not a Max Ammo" replied the Russian. "Twelve fucking maps and not a damn Max Ammo machine. Oh no, we have a Random Perk Machine, but no Max Ammo machine! Fuck logic!"

"Treyarch needs to read some fan letters" murmured Samantha.

"It's not just Treyarch anymore" said Takeo looking at the sky.

Dempsey threw up his hands. "Is EVERYONE breaking the fourth wall now? What the fuck is going on here?"

"Changing market Tank" replied the Cossack.

"What in the name of Spock are you talking about?"

"The fifth wall."

"There's five now?"

"Yep."

"Why wasn't I informed? I've been breaking the fourth wall since 08!"

"People are tired of you Tank. You're old."

"Old? I will shove my size ten boots up your size three ass!"

Takeo stepped between them. "Brothers, now is not the time. These undead before us need some treatment."

Dempsey smiled and lifted his machine gun. "And I'm gonna supply some counseling to them."

The four turned and backed up against the stone wall. Zombies began to approach from every direction except behind them, forcing them between a rock and a hard place.

"Fuck it we're getting cornered!" exclaimed Demspey.

Nikolai lifted his M320-GLM and fired a hole into the crowd. "Run!"

They ran through the opening and sprinted left of the power room. They passed by where Nikolai had been strung up and reached into the barracks.

"We got another zipline! Oh shit!" cried Dempsey.

They ran onto the metal platform and he flipped the switch. It shuddered to life and they began to move.

"So, where does it lead?" asked Dempsey.

"No idea" admitted Samantha.

"Well that's great. Real great."

Then a mass of orange smashed into the platform.

Nikolai exclaimed in surprise and stumbled into the handrail. He tripped and fell over the rail.

"Nikolai!" cried Dempsey reaching at the space where the Russian had been.

Takeo immediately stood on the railing. "I shall go after him. If I don't make it, tell my wife, I regret I never got to fifth base."

Then he jumped into the abyss.

Dempsey leaned over the railing and stared into the dark ravine. "Wait, there's a fifth base? What the fuck have I been missing?"

Takeo landed on a bed of hard stone. He rolled to recover and shook off the dizziness. He turned and saw that the Russian was still rolling in pain.

"Get up Cossack. I risked my life to save yours, so get moving."

The Russian looked at him. "Oh great. Now I have to die with you. I was hoping Dempsey would come, so it'd at least be interesting. Even Sam would've been better."

Takeo grabbed him and pulled him to his feet. "Just shut up and get climbing."

"You think they'll be ok?" asked Sam leaning on the rail.

"You're talking about the drunk Cossack and the samurai? They're just as badass as I am."

"That's why I am worried."

He gave her a death glare. "I really hate you."

She smiled. "But you still love me."

"Next time, say that in your real-life 18 year old female body, and I might consider it a compliment."

She sighed. "I fucking hate this body. I swear, when I got it I had freaking dead flesh on the thighs."

"Wait, you mean like the body's skin, or someone else's skin?"

"Someone else's."

Dempsey burst into hysterical laughter. "Holy mother of God, Richtofen was into necrophilia! I just teased, but, goddamn!"

He stopped. "When did he have time to…"

Another mass of orange slammed into the platform, except this time no one fell.

"You!" cried Dempsey gazing at the zombie on the closest ridge. He raised his Model 1887 and fired.

It blew the top off the bouncer and resulted in a massive explosion.

"Suck it! Well, that was simplistic. No real smart connection to that one. Hmph, not too bad."

"This rocks are sharp."

"Quit complaining."

"My arm hurts."

"Shut up."

"I'm hungry."

"Shut the hell up before I shove a stalactite up your ass!"

Nikolai was so surprised that he stopped climbing to stare at the samurai. "Holy crap did I annoy you that much?"

"You've been complaining for the last five minutes!"

"Yeah, but, you never really mentioned it before."

"Listen. I have a nasty stitch in my side, I jumped off a fucking zipline, my shoes are beginning to wear out, and you smell like balls and cheesecake. So I'd really appreciate if you shut the fuck up and get climbing!"

Then Takeo resumed his venture upwards.

Nikolai took a few more seconds to get going. "That was, unexpected."

**Yeah, Takeo finally snapped a little. I thought it was time he did so.**


	13. Chapter 13: Shogun

**Now, expect a lot more updates, since BO2 comes out in Nov. Yeah, a LOT more.**

"See Sam, good things do happen to good people!" stated Dempsey inserting his Model 1887 into the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"I knew that, but then, why are you here?"

He gave her a death glare and turned back to the machine. What popped out wasn't one shotgun, but two.

"Holy shit I got a double date!" he declared hefting the two guns. He examined the sides of the guns.

"So, you're Roxxi, and you're Lexi? I am really gonna enjoy this" he muttered whirling the shotguns.

Samantha inserted her AK-47, but not before threatening the machine.

"If you remove ANY of the kick, I will fucking disassemble you for spare parts."

Dempsey actually smiled. "You use toys, I got some fine-ass women at my finger-tips."

"They're guns Tank. Get over yourself."

He stopped. "Did you just..?"

"Burst your bubble? Yep, I totally did."

He sat down. "No one, has ever, EVER, actually done that."

"Well get used to it. You have a woman on board this ship."

She stopped when the new gun came out. Attached to the bottom of the muzzle was a M320 grenade launcher, but that was it.

"Holy shit!" cried the German cuddling it. "I thought our sex life needed some new elements."

Dempsey stood and walked away. "I will give you two a moment."

Nikolai pulled himself over the rock ledge, panting heavily. "So, how far are we?"

Takeo was calmly sipping a canteen of water. "About halfway. I think."

He handed the Russian the container, who took it gratefully. "How far did we fall?"

"Forty feet. I think."

"How the hell did we survive?"

"Remember the 115 experimentation?"

"Oh, right. Well, glad that made our bones made of steel."

"Yeah. I just wish we could shoot webs out of our hands."

"Oh! Like that…guy!"

Takeo looked at him sideways. "What guy?"

"You know! That weird queer in the red and blue jumpsuit!"

"Superman?"

"No you idiot! Superman is fucking badass, and has a woman. But this guy is a fucking loser, and was bitten by a radioactive spider."

"I do not know who you are talking about."

"Wait, wait, I know! Spiderpig!"

Takeo was so shocked he couldn't even speak for a moment. He looked down at the distance he had climbed. "I wonder if I fell face-down from here it could kill me?"

"Want me to line up your fall?"

Takeo stood. "Time to continue. And go fuck yourself."

"Thank you."

Samantha adjusted her belt while walking out of the room. "That was fun."

Dempsey turned back to her. "Holy crap you actually did it. It wasn't until I heard the shots I knew that Nikolai wasn't bull-shitting."

"I understand. But I think I may have broken something."

"Well, I did hear the M320 go off."

"No. In the gun."

The next sound in the room was Dempsey's jaw hitting the floor. "You are not serious."

She held up the new gun, the AOK-48. He nervously grabbed at where it was most dry and examined the muzzle. It was clogged with, well, stuff.

"Uh, I think you need you wash this" he stated hanging her back the rifle.

"Oh, of course. Now where's a sink?"

Dempsey made a cross over himself. "Ella Diablo."

"So, what is the first thing you're going to do when this thing blows over?" asked Nikolai reaching for a large hand-hold.

Takeo shot a glance at him. "What do you mean?"

"You know. After the zombie thing is done, and Richtofen lies bleeding on the floor. What do you plan on doing?"

The samurai had to think for a moment. "You know, I never actually thought about it. I assume just go back to Japan, live with my wife, meditate, finally finish _Shogun._"

"You're reading that too?"

"Yeah. It's pretty good."

"I agree."

"Never thought you'd read such advanced literature."

"Hey, I gotta know what "class people" I'm insulting, so I gotta have "class subjects" to insult them about."

Takeo stopped. "That almost made sense."

"Yeah, most of the things that I say are like that."

"How come I never noticed?"

"Well, it's usually gibberish anyway."

Takeo shook his head. "Just when I begin to respect you, you slam it back to square one."

"I don't need your damn respect. Just a little revive if I need it."

"Fine, I'll supply that."

They shook hands, despite being in the middle of a climb.

"So, as soon as we get up, what are you going do?"

"Kick some serious ass Cossack."

"Hey hey! The samurai just got badass! What a surprise!"

Takeo sighed and kept climbing.

**I thought the emphasis on Nikolai and Takeo would help show the bond between them. Just a little author tidbit.**


	14. Chapter 14: Careful planning

**So, I hope you have noticed a certain anonymous guest reviewer named The Editor. I would like to clarify somethings:**

**1) The Editor is not myself**

**2) The Editor is not paid by me to praise my work in any way**

**3) The Editor IS a good friend of mine, but still a good critic**

**And I would like to warn you, if any guest reviews are left in his name but are not from him, I will not even consider them. I can contact him and ask personally if he left the thing's he did. But if you are a guest and you want to leave a review, just leave a damn different name. BTW a shout out to Violent and A Guy Named Blaze. You guys are great supporters of mine, and I hope you still will be in the future. And thank you to the dudes who haven't reviewed but follow my story anyway! I really don't care if you review or not! But do review, cause it makes puppies come back to life. So yeah, back to the story!**

"Well, that was fun" stated Nikolai lying on the floor of the cavern. Two feet away from the ravine.

"Yeah" replied Takeo collecting his breath and calmly sipping his canteen.

"Maybe we should fall down immeasurable abysses more often?"

"Or just hang out."

"Yeah, that sounds a little less painful."

The Russian stood and lifted his AUG-HBAR. "Perhaps we should find the others?"

Then the Pack-a-Punch machine appeared next to them.

"Who needs 'em?" stated Nikolai inserting his machine gun.

A newer, cooler version appeared, with a large Holographic Sight on top and a larger magazine.

"So, you are called HYD-HANL? Hmph, I've heard worse."

Takeo inserted his Intervention and rubbed his hands anxiously. It popped out and he examined it closely.

It was a little bit longer and the scope was pretty huge compared to earlier. On the side was etched "Rehab".

He smiled to himself. "Rehab. Nice."

* * *

Dempsey was again checking his mobile, but now he had a new app.

"I still wonder how I get service down here" he muttered updating his Tiny Tower.

"How you doing?" asked Sam checking her own.

"I got fifty floors and one hundred five guests. You?"

"Oh, pretty well. Ninety floors and 150 residents."

Dempsey looked at her sideways. "Are you one of those chicks who like to one-up everyone else's stories?"

"No. I knew someone way worse than me at that."

He shrugged. "Whatever."

He nonchalantly flipped the lever next to him and a bottle of Double Tap came out. He casually gulped it and burped.

"Good old American milkshake. I love it."

She did the same and got a glass of White Lightning. She sipped it slowly, enjoying the burning sensation in her throat.

"Almost perfect. But it needs something" she muttered examining it. She pulled out one of the rounds to her USP .45 and a knife. She pried the casing off the round and poured the powder into the bottle. Once she had thought it was enough, she tossed the shell aside and sipped her new cocktail.

"Mmm. Tastegasm."

Dempsey looked at her. "Ah what?"

"Tastegasm. An orgasm from tasting something really good."

He smacked his head into a nearby wall. "Why didn't I jump with Nikolai?"

* * *

"Well this fucking sucks!" yelled Nikolai sprinting away from the bouncers behind him.

"Don't talk! Just shoot!" ordered Takeo raising his Type 95. He embedded several bursts into its head before reloading and running. Nikolai was doing the same with his HYD, but it only involved one magazine.

"We need a strategy!" exclaimed the Russian.

"You should've upgraded your launcher damn it!"

"But I got a cool ass machine gun though!"

The samurai shook his head. Some people clearly had their priorities mixed up.

He noticed a large platform next to him constructed out of wood. He jumped on and peered over the railing.

Into the abyss. He smiled as he got an idea.

"Lead them here!" he ordered hopping over the rail. He began to descend, using the supports as hand holds.

Nikolai sprinted onto the platform and knew what Takeo was planning. Deciding it all revolved around him, he wrapped a coil or rope around his chest and tied it to a nearby stalactite.

He heard Takeo sawing away at the supports and knew he had gotten the general idea right. So he continued with his train of thought.

"Come on your capitalist pigs!" he yelled firing his machine gun. "I got more than enough me to spread around!"

The two bouncers charged him, their huge hands raised to crush him instantly.

As soon as they hit the platform, he leaped off.

Just as Takeo cut through the last support. The platform tried its best to stay onto the rock, but without any support from below crumpled. Along with the two bouncers.

Nikolai fell about twenty feet before he was yanked upward by the rope. He grunted as it dug into his mid-section.

"Yep, that's shit" he noted sniffing the air.

Takeo turned to him. They were barely five feet apart after all. "Sup?"

"Just hanging around, nothing much. Just pooped myself too."

"I didn't need to know that."

"Yeah. Got any plan to get back up?"

"Ah, yes. Well, I did."

He held up the broken rope to show evidence of this.

"So, I'm kinda tied to a rope. Think you can climb on me?"

"You just shat yourself."

"How long can you hold yourself there?

Takeo thought about it. "Don't move."

"Oh, and watch out for my back pocket. I have a second bottle in there."

Takeo sighed and prepared himself for an ungodly stench. Then he jumped.

"Oh God damn it Nikolai!"

**Yeah, I love writing this. I love it so much.**


	15. Chapter 15: Through the Blood and Gore

**Now, here's the rules ladies and gentlemen:**

**Bold text **indicates growling.

CAPS indicates screaming.

**BOLD CAPS **indicate both at the same time

And if you've seen this message before, you know what time it is!

* * *

"And that's the way your face crumbles" commented Dempsey popping off a zombie head. He reloaded the machine gun and turned to a new target.

"Insert random comment somehow having to do with sex!" yelled Samantha firing her UMP45. She's really wanted to be shooting her AOK, but sadly it had run out of ammo. She was still having urges.

"How the hell do you know that?" she shouted to the sky.

"Know what?" asked Dempsey.

"That goddamn narrator knows I still have urges!"

The Marine was so startled he felt like dying right there. He sighed and lied on the ground. "Bon appetite zombie motherfuckers."

* * *

"That was unpleasant" muttered Takeo.

"How do you think I feel?" replied the Cossack. "You fucking stepped on my junk!"

"I said sorry!"

"I still feel the kick!"

"Well, on the bright side, that means it's still there!"

"I'm going to freaking kill you."

Takeo calmly pulled out his katana and began to sharpen it. "Try it."

"I will try tomorrow."

"I sleep with this sword."

"I may just drop it."

"You better."

Nikolai calmly drank some vodka. "Well enough empty threats, we should find Tank and Sam."

"Yes. I need someone intelligent to talk to."

"Says the asshole who constantly mutters to himself."

Takeo gave a grunt and walked off. Nikolai smiled and made a check in the air.

"Score: Nikolai one, Jap zero. Wait, Japanese Zero. Ha! I did a…well…shit what is that? Damn it."

* * *

Dempsey looked over the giant hole that was ever present in the map. "Where do you think they are?"

"We should just stay here" said Sam sitting on a stool (alliteration motherfucker!). "They'll figure it out eventually."

"You know what? I need a vacation" stated Dempsey sitting down. "I want to go to a beach where some women in two-pieces just walk by while I sip a fucking gin and admire them."

"Mmm, gin" muttered Sam rubbing her belly.

"You are awesome. You drink, you swear, and you kick ass."

"Just a 21st century teen Mr. Tank" replied the German.

"Well 21, I say thank you" stated Dempsey blowing a kiss to the sky.

"Twenty one says, 'You're welcome'" stated Nikolai walking into the central room.

"Nikolai! My bestest, bestest drinking buddy!" yelled the Marine running to him. They locked forearms and bumped knuckles.

Takeo appeared as well, smiling a small grin. "Hello American. Hello child. Guess who I found on the way back?"

Dempsey looked at the fifth member of the group. "Gersch! About time!"

The cosmonaut nodded. "I know. I apologize for the lateness of my arrival. But we must hurry."

He rushed over to the MDT and examined it. "Jesus, it's worse than I expected."

He quickly pulled out a small metal rod and jammed it into the circular opening in the main console. It whirled itself to life and he sighed. "One step forward."

He pulled a wad of cloth from his jacket and unwound it. Inside was a chunk of 115 the size of a grapefruit. As soon as he unwrapped it, a final ring went off.

"Oh shit! Here we go!" yelled Dempsey anxiously waiting for the music. He turned and noticed the approaching zombies.

"Perfect" he muttered raising his machine gun.

The four slayers fired into the crowd of zombies and kept doing so.

"Tag em and bag em!" declared the Marine reaping headshots.

"Taste my death seed!" screamed Samantha.

"One more shot, one less you" said Takeo calmly.

"UUUUUUUURRRRRRAAAAAA!" exclaimed Nikolai.

Then they stopped as a new noise entered the fray. Even the zombies stopped and stared at the ceiling, where the noise seemed to originate from.

It was as if a chorus of demons were being tortured in the most inhuman and painful way imaginable. It was as if the very earth was crying out its suffering for all to hear. It was as if the gates of hell had been flung wide open and the river Styx was allowed to flow on the land of the living.

Then the song began.

**On a black sky evening**

**When gone is all light**

**In darkness, death's eternal reign**

**We ride to end its fight.**

WHEN THE SKIES HAVE BROKEN DOWN

AND THERE IS NO MORE SIGHT.

THE SOUNDS OF EVIL LAUGHTER FALLS

ACROSS THE WORLD TONIGHT!

**Firing on, firing into their heads**

**Across the forsaken lands.**

**These motherfuckers will feel the pain**

**Of the bodies in the sand.**

**On the darkest fields of misery**

**We watch them as we go.**

**Through the blood and pain and once again we know!**

SO NOW WE'RE FIGHTING FREE,

FREE FROM THE LIES AND DECEIT

ON TOWARDS THE UNKNOWN,

WE RACE ON BLEEDING FEET!

FAR BEYOND THE TURMOIL!

FAR BEYOND THE CONFUSION!

DEEP INSIDE OUT HEARTS AND ALL OUT SOULS!

**So far away, we resent the day,**

**When we bound our souls gone.**

**We feel the pain of our lifetimes lost forever,**

**THROUGH THE BLOOD AND THE GORE WE CARRY ON!**

Now it was as if God himself had sent Armageddon onto earth, raining fire and stone. The cave actually shuddered from the force of the guitar riffs and the drummer's beats.

"Holy…" began Takeo.

Then the song cut him off.

**As a new slaughter dawns**

**And limbs fly in the sky!**

**They'll raise their eyes to the heavens above,**

**And scream as they die!**

RUNNING AWAY FROM THE MORNING LIGHT

THERE'S A BULLET IN MY HEART!

WE'RE BANISHED FROM OUR HOMELANDS

TO A REALM WITH NO STARS!

IN YOUR DARKEST DREAMS YOU ALWAYS SEE

OUR DESTINIES ENTWINED!

AND SO NOW WE'LL FREE OURSELVES TONIGHT!

**And on the threads of a dream,**

**So far beyond certainty,**

**Alone in bitterness,**

**Now the time has come!**

**Lost inside you'll never rest.**

**Lost within my own test.**

**DAY AFTER DAY THIS DESOLATION JUST GOES ON!**

SO FAR AWAY WE RESENT THE DAY

WHEN WE BOUND OUR SOULS GONE!

WE FEEL THE PAIN OF OUR LIFETIMES LOST FOREVER,

**THROUGH THE BLOOD AND THE GORE WE CARRY ON!**

At this something equivalent to the eruption of Vesuvius spread throughout the cavern. Every zombie instantly burst into bits of flesh and gore, covering the area with three inches of it. The cavern itself actually loosed several dozen stalactites that fell into the ground below.

"Holy mother of God!" yelled Dempsey clutching his ears. "It's too fucking loud!"

The people behind the noise obviously misinterpreted his message. The noise doubled in volume and the ground began to shake underneath them.

"It's been an honor gentlemen!" cried Takeo clutching on a fallen stalactite. "The greatest ride is the last one my friends!"

Then silence. It was such a contrast that it felt like it had weight.

Then the singer resumed.

**Now here we stand with their blood on our hands.**

**They fought so hard, I don't understand.**

**I'll break my curse if I possibly can!**

**EVEN IF I HAVE TO SLAY EVERY MAN!**

**SO FAR AWAY WE RESENT THE DAY,**

**WHEN WE BOUND OUR SOULS GONE!**

**WE FEEL THE PAIN OF OUR LIFETIMES LOST FOREVER,**

**THROUGH THE BLOOD AND THE GORE WE CARRY ON!**

From the ground burst flames black as onyx. It circled them in and the MDT, trapping them. They grew in size until they nearly touched the ceiling.

"Holy fuck!" yelled Nikolai.

From the fire stepped a body. Even though it was on fire, it still had a recognizable overcoat.

"This is what awaits you" stated Richtofen smiling. His teeth were melting in his head and all his hair was ablaze, but he hardly noticed. In fact, he looked pleased.

"But continue Gersch. Give Samantha her body back. Loosen me from the machine. Go on."

The cosmonaut was staring in astounded fear at the burning German. Richtofen noticed this and laughed.

"Go on! I dare you! Cut me from my machine! And truly see what I can do!"

Then Dempsey slammed the button.

Richtofen burst into maniacal laughter and dissipated entirely. The flames did as well, which made them all nervous.

"Is…it over?" asked Nikolai.

Dempsey nodded. "I think." He turned to Sam and stopped, for she was no longer Sam.

She was an aura of light, so bright it burned his eyes with just a glance. Gersch tried to step to her, but he stopped him.

"Don't. It may be him" stated the Marine loading his machine gun.

The light began to lessen, growing more tolerable for them. Then they all gasped.

Sam sat up and rubbed her head. "Ugh, nien, my head."

She noticed their odd glances. "What are you queers looking at?"

"You have, very nice breasts" commented Nikolai.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" demanded Sam. She looked down at herself then back up. Then she stopped.

"Holy shit."

She felt the blue dress, the one she had worn years ago. It went to her knees on her body. Her OWN body.

"Oh my God. It worked! It really worked!"

She ran over to Gersch and hugged him. "You are a fucking genius! Thank you so much!" She began to sob intensely in his shoulder, clutching him for support.

The cosmonaut found this slightly awkward. Since he was about thirty and she was in a slightly older-then-teen body, it was kinda weird. He lightly patted her on the back. "It's ok young one. Everything is going to be alright."

Dempsey nodded. "Damn right. We're getting the fuck out of here. Come on everyone, we got a chopper to catch."

**And that ladies and gentlemen, is the third entry in the Once Bitten, Twice Dead series. **


	16. Epilogue

The man smiled underneath his hood. The plan was coming together exactly as he had planned.

The guards at the front of the town were cake. Two blasts of radiation and they dropped cold. Or microwaved hot really.

He got odd glances when walking through the small town. No doubt he was an oddly dressed one. But since everyone wore robes and hoods anyway, who cared?

He could feel the power at the ends of his fingers, demanding to be released. He made it hold for a little while. A nuclear explosion would not be appropriate in this scenario.

He adjusted the hood. He was still rather uncomfortable in this body. He hadn't managed to deal with its cosmetic drawbacks. Perhaps he could fix it eventually.

They would pay, he promised himself. Not only did they foil his plans, they tried to kill him. That would not go unpunished.

"I heavily desire a martini" he muttered to himself. "I shall wait."

He kept walking, hands clasped together at his waist. To any passerby, he'd look like an Arab who felt the need to dress in black.

"If only" he murmured grinning evilly.

He approached the palace with no reluctance. The guards stopped him, but he stopped them back. They'd probably be scraping them off the sidewalk for weeks.

He boldly entered the throne room, not even considering to engage in anyone but one person.

That one person stood on his throne, one he had stolen.

"_What are you doing here swine?" _yelled the person in fast Arabic. _"I should have you executed!"_

The man raised his right hand and a nearby bench lifted five feet off the ground. A simple wrist flick and it sailed straight into a guard's head, taking the upper half with it.

The person of interest sat down. _"What do you want?"_

"_Your help."_

"_You? You want MY help?"_

"_Your resources. And the women."_

The person grinned. _"In return?"_

The man pulled a sack from his cloak. Tossing it on the steps to the throne, dozens of gold coins flung from the open top.

"_I brought more" _stated the man.

The person laughed. _"What do I call you, my friend?"_

The man removed his hood and everyone in the room gasped.

His hair was just as long as before, but now it had a distinctive sheen. His skin was an icy white that shone in the light. But his eyes were the greatest. They shone with an aura that resembled a blue sun.

"_Some call me, Richtofen."_


End file.
